Top Ten Ways to Deal with Anger

In managing my own expectations, upsets, frustration or anger…I have come to realize that the issue is not with anyone else. The issue is with me. I choose to get frustrated or upset. I choose to be angry. The other person, especially my husband, did not make me angry. Blaming the other person for what they said, did, or didn’t say or do is what fuels the anger and upset. And, trying to address the issue or conversation when you are upset is not a recipe for resolution.

Here are Ten Questions to Ask Yourself when you get ruffled:

What triggered my emotions? (not who!)
What do I need to let go of?
What would have me shift from blame to accountability?
What NEED do I have that is not getting met right now?
What am I assuming about this situation?
What do I need to know about this situation?
What do I own in this?
What do I need to do or say to shift from aggravation to productive conversation?
What do I need to ask for so that my need gets met?
What boundaries need to be set in this relationship so this situation does not recur?

Ok, so the title of this post said I was going to give you ten ways to diffuse upset or anger and what you got is a list of ten questions. How will this help you? Well, when you start asking yourself these questions, your focus shifts – you are no longer focusing on the ‘problem’ and making it worse by speaking from your focus on the problem. By looking at these questions, you will naturally start focusing on solutions! Trust me, it works.