I am going to make this really simple.

Men need:

  1. Support – be supportive of them
  2. Encouragement – encourage them
  3. Interest in their vocation – show interest in their job and their work day
  4. Quiet time – ensure they get some time to themselves to decompress; give them time to do fun things each week; let them get away with their friends, etc.  Don’t try to control their schedule, instead collaborate on the schedule and build time in for your relationship, each other, and for things that need to get done.
  5. No Nagging – nagging is the #1 surefire way to get rid of a man; they shut down, they avoid, they disappear.
  6. Collaboration – they want to be included in decision making and do not respond to being TOLD what to do or how to do it
  7. Understanding – understanding that they are not you, will never be you, will never do things like you do
  8. Appreciation – appreciation for who they are and what they do; appreciation for how they do things (the point is that things get done, not that they got done perfectly)
  9. Patience – your time table does not equal his time table, so stop shoving your time table down his throat.  Collaborate instead and ask him when he can get something done that you need help with.  Do not treat him like a child, let him know you need his help and then ask him when he can get to it, then let it go and allow him to do it.  P.S.  He may forget, so don’t jump down his throat if it is not done when he said so, simply ask him if he has time then to do it, chances are he got distracted.
  10. Take a time out.  If you are irritated, back off, don’t handle the issue when you are in this negative and inflated mood.  Go do something to get yourself calmed down so you can talk about things logically later on.  Men feel blind sided often when women jump on them on something they have no clue about.  Your man does not think like you and DO NOT expect him to.

What Women Want:

  1. Validation – This is the #1 secret to a woman’s heart; especially when they are upset or angry or wound up.  Do not defend or argue your position, simply validate them.  (watch this video)
  2. Listening – there is nothing more that irritates women more than not looking at them and having your full attention on them when they are speaking to you.
  3. Acknowledge them, especially after they have asked you a question or to help them do something – this is another thing that irritates women a lot.  Say something when they ask you a question or ask you to do something.  If you are silent and don’t say something, even something like ‘I am processing or thinking about what you said’, say something to acknowledge you heard them.  A women turns into a nag quickly and very masterfully if Listening and Acknowledgment is not present.
  4. To be Noticed – compliment them on their skills, their contribution to you, what they mean to you, how they take care of you, how they support and promote you, how they speak to you, how they look, their strengths…did I say how they look?
  5. Compliment them when they do something special or after they get back from getting a haircut or massage, etc.
  6. Give them gifts occasionally.  Yes, women love to be noticed and appreciated with the occasional card for no reason, flowers for no reason, a home-made meal not done by them occasionally, a special date every now and then, a spa event or day…you get the drift.
  7. Do the same thing every day for them consistently for the duration of your relationship.  For example:  before I leave the house, as I am leaving, my husband always says “Have a Wondamous Day!.  I have grown to count on this one thing every day which helps set the tone of my day to be positive right away.
  8. Love them.  More than anything, women want to be loved, they want to feel and know they are loved.  Whatever you can do to reinforce their feeling of love, do it as it will pay dividends for a lifetime.
  9. Let them vent.  When women are wound up, the best thing you can do is listen.  Don’t defend or argue your position, don’t try to logically explain thing to them, don’t try to show them they are seeing it or being wrong, don’t try to fix it for them, etc.  Simply listen to them allowing them to release all that pent up energy.   Then when there are a few seconds of silence, say “Is there more?” or “Is there anything else?”  Then when they do say “No” or “I am done”, ask “What do you need now?”   Oh, and if they are crying, simply drop what you are doing, walk over to them and either hold their hand or hold them, and be quiet.  Let them release the emotions and when she is done crying, tell her you love her and kiss her on the cheek.

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