I thank a fellow facebooker who asked me to write a post on this important topic.  As someone who did this in my days of being single, it truly is a topic that is near and dear to my heart.  Not only that, this plays out in abusive or cheating relationships as well; staying and not leaving until things get so terribly bad.

  1. We convince ourselves in our heads that we love them.  The voices in our heads sabotage our hearts and soul.  The voices in our heads tell you:  I can fix this, over time he/she will get better, I cannot afford to leave, he/she is not that bad, etc.  Those voices in our heads that counter what we know to be right for us get us every time.
  2. They do something that is positive once in a while, so we convince ourselves that it is better because of that one or few things that were good.  There is no person on earth who has the right to disrespect or mistreat you.  By allowing someone to mistreat or disrespect you, you hold some accountability for allowing it.  Stand up for yourself because no one else will until you do so yourself.
  3. We are terribly afraid of being alone, so much so that we would rather be in an unhealthy relationship.
  4. We don’t believe we can survive outside the relationship.  Either we have convinced ourselves or our partner has convinced us that we simply cannot cope without them.
  5. We have completely lost our own identity and allowed our partner to take over our lives.
  6. We feel it would be more difficult to end the relationship ourselves so instead we wait until it naturally takes its course and ends causing more emotional damage and wounds that often takes year or even a lifetime to heal.
  7. We are chicken.  We don’t have the courage, gumption, or balls to accountable for our own lives and what is happening in our lives.  Being accountable is a large pill to swallow when we make the wrong choices especially in relationships.  We would rather stick to our guns and stay in the hopes of proving ourselves and everyone else that this was a good choice…only that time never comes.  Our friends and family in many cases lets us know that this is not the right relationship but we have to prove them wrong, so we stay in it.

Trust me, it is better for you to cut your losses early on, follow your instinct and ask your friends and family for help.  Yes, it is hard to accept you made the wrong choice or that you failed in this relationship.  I urge you to think of it not as failure but SUCCESS in Learning What is Right for you and what is Not Right/Healthy for you. Think of the experience as the contrast you required to identify what is healthy for you.

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