| Friday nights are prime opportunities to go out for happy hour and to stay after happy hour till the hours feel really happy with friends and libations. I met a friend at a restaurant/bar tonight along with some of her friends. She is amazing promoter in the city I live in. Someone at the table asked me what I do, I said I am a Relationship Coach working with Singles, Married Couples, and Teams. An interesting thing happened…interest peaked a bit…time elapsed, followed by a question…more time…another question…followed by ‘how much do you charge’…then I cannot afford you…to sitting next to me asking me to work with them…with another person at the table questioning my credentials quietly as though I could not hear them…
It is humbling to share what I do with others, to see how the resistance shows up, or the fear of actually ‘having what you want’ as a reality being present to scare you…and then over time, see the questions and curiosity get perked. People simply do not know what to do when faced with someone who is committed to them having what they want in their life.
My experience is that most singles do not want to be single, yet they pretend they want to be… and they have a ton of stories/preconceived notions as to what people say about being single or what singles are like or some other story. I met an amazingly nice, funny, gentle, and caring man today who works hard and has a good time with friends. He started sharing how he feels there are so many or the majority of singles out there are dishonest. I asked him how he knew this and the response was that is what he hears from others. When I asked whether he had experienced this himself, the answer was, of course, no.
He had chosen to leave a relationship that had an on again off again pattern. He reached his break point in the off again pattern and did not want his heart hurt any more – so he chose to leave the relationship after 8 years and move to another state. He is still so impacted by the relationship, questioning who leaves a relationship after 8 years…my message is that it is okay for us to take a stand for what our hearts need to be healthy and survive. It is completely okay to create boundaries in a relationship and if they are crossed once agreed upon or not, it is time to honor Self, whatever that may mean for you. Giving yourself permission to honor yourself is absolutely alright and does not make you a bad person, even if there is some hurt in the process.
We cannot give and be all in a relationship until we first are that for ourselves.
I see that people put up barriers to keep themselves safe from getting out there and experiencing life and people…which in turn keeps them from truly having what they want. The contradictions between what we want and what we put out or our mind says versus what our hearts tell us…I love what I do to connect people to their greatness such that they can connect with others in the same manner. It is so rewarding to see the glimmer of light when the flick of understanding or connection occurs.
Thank you for spending time with me this evening…to all those that touched me today and who allowed me to touch them…I am grateful. Dr. Darshana Hawks, Relationship-MD
www.Coach-Masters.com |
