As a Relationship Expert and Coach, I am completely blown away at the sheer number of books, tapes, internet content, articles, and opinions on how to 'work' on a relationship. Anything from fix your man in 30 days to you don't have to change who you are for the relationship to work. How can we expect that reading a book and implementing the techniques in the book will work when the book(s) do not take into account individual personalities and relationship dynamics. If we could put human beings into one box, gosh, we would have utopia on this planet. The truth is that: we are all different, we have similarities, we have our training in what we learned as we grew up from childhood on to adulthood, we have our schooling which is a variety box in itself when you consider how varied education choices are in the world – and we could go on and on about the variables especially with the expansion of globalization.

So, how then can 'experts' develop generalities about relationships and how they work when individuals in relationships are all unique in how they relate to each other, how they listen, how they interpret each other? Add to that the definitions of words – what one word means to one person can be interpreted differently by another – that is the beauty of language – the addition of interpretation makes language an opportunity to converge or diverge based on how open we are to exploring how we perceive and interpret along with exploring what is going on on the other side with the other person. I guess if I were to relate physicians and how they for example prescribe antibiotics for an infection, I can maybe see the idea of one prescription for all but then I think about the variety of options for medication – a single trip to the drug store with a peek at the cold medicine isle will tell you how many options there really are… But when we have a skin abrasion, we put a band aid on it to protect it. Band-aids – that is a general solution for a simple problem like a small cut…Band-aids are what we implement when we attempt to repair our relationships without third party intervention and band-aids do not last for very long…in fact, they quite often lead to larger issues.

So, what do you do?

  1. You can do nothing and experience relationships by trial and error, which is not too appealing to someone who loves moving forward and creating relationships that work.
  2. You can buy books/cds and magazines and read all about opinions on how to mend or improve your relationships. This approach only works when you combine the book learning with clarity about who you are and how you operate, respond ,react, and listen in relationships. And this approach does not work if you do not APPLY what you have learned when you combine the essence of yourself with the techniques in the books. This approach will provide you lots of techniques and takes time to implement. Furthermore, following this approach is a one-way strategy in that you are 'diagnosing', evaluating, and solving from your own perspective. It is difficult to see alternative viewpoints when you are working on yourself. In fact, you have blinders and these blinders can often times be either enhanced or over corrected when self-helping if you are not aware of that which you cannot see.
  3. Those who really desire to improve their relationships can get a jump start by hiring an Extraordinary Relationship Coach. A Coach gives you perspective, new vantages, tools that are customized to your life and situation and people, accountability, and expands your awareness of how you are creating the relationship to be the way it currently is. I show my clients that they truly have trained people how to be with them over time. You can certainly re-train people as you make shifts in how you relate to and in the relationship. Designing the environments of relationship works and most people do not think of relationships as an environment. And, environments can be designed for you to succeed, this is true with relationships as well, even in relationships with parents, children, friends, coworkers, etc. A master Coach is one who is committed to you achieving results, fast; who motivates you to do the work required to experience quick results; who listens fully; who has lived the game you are dealing with/who has first hand experience, wisdom, and knowledge in their niche of coaching; and whose approach is not standard or common place.

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