VulnerabilityBeing Vulnerable

I decided to look this word, vulnerable, up in the dictionary mainly because it elicits so much resistance or dislike. I was very surprised to see the definitions on http://dictionary.reference.com listed as:

1. susceptible to attack; “a vulnerable bridge” [ant: invulnerable]
2. susceptible to criticism or persuasion or temptation; “vulnerable to bribery”; “an argument vulnerable to refutation”
3. capable of being wounded or hurt; “vulnerable parts of the body”

Could it be that I have been using this word incorrectly for all these years?

So, I stand corrected. The word to use is INVULNERABLE which according to the same source means:

  1. Immune to attack; impregnable.
  2. Impossible to damage, injure, or wound.

Upon further assessment, the intention for allowing ourselves to be ‘vulnerable’ in relationships is to open ourselves or be susceptible to criticism or attack. So, phew, glad to see that my use of the word as well as those who I have heard use the word were using it correctly. Because words and their shared meaning is critical to success in relationships (Shared meaning is the one in the dictionary or the meaning that all parties have agreed to; does not mean the definition that a person has interpreted the word to mean).

Being invulnerable is not being open to anything – it is being closed which usually is not a great results producing tactic in relationships.

The bottom line – there is nothing anyone can say to you that will hurt or attack you unless you take it on. Children amaze me; they can get scolded by their parents and within minutes forget and go back to carefree play. As adults we do not forget, we hang on, we analyze, and in some cases get paralyzed by what others say to us (even with those closest to us). Usually, if someone says something about us and we feel something negative or positive, then there is most likely some truth in it…if it is a negative feeling we go into fight or defend or avoid mode when we should be looking at what about that comment is ringing true for me and what, if anything, do I want to shift in me about it.

You have to allow yourself to share everything about yourself with another human being – your fears, your desires, your dreams, your flaws, your child-like tendencies, your background, your accomplishments, your failures, your likes, your dislikes…you get the drift. NOTHING can happen to you when you SHARE. All you are doing is Sharing! You Choose Your Reaction and Response. Be Vulnerable! Be the Model!

You must TRUST yourself, that you can take care of yourself, TRUST that no one can harm you unless you allow them to do so…

To learn more about vulnerability http://www.coping.org/growth/vulner.htm

If you connect with what you have read and want to know more, contact me to learn more about the health and wealth of your relationships. By the way, you have relationships with absolutely everything and everyone in your life, even passers by. Intrigued? Want to design relationships that cause you to succeed?

By the way, being INVULNERABLE in your communication, which I my recommendation to allowing yourself to be both vulnerable and invulnerable when communicating with others, nothing can hurt you through words as long as you are committed to understanding the other person’s point of view.  I have many relationships where I have a different point of view.  That does not mean that I don’t care about these people, we just think and feel differently about certain things.  That is ok.  So, the next time you feel insulted, neglected, or hurt – how about saying something like “Thank you for sharing with me; tell me more about what got you to this point of feeling that way?”  You might learn something powerful by engaging in a caring dialog with someone who has offended you in some way – and an additional bonus, the conversation may result in a closer connection.

Dr. Darshana Hawks, Relationship-MD, http://www.relationship911coach.com

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