I’ve been dating a woman (not her real name) for 4 months. We’re both in our early thirties, both happen to own businesses which are thriving even in this down economy, and we’re both focused on
finding the right person for a long-term commitment – marriage and kids – we’re both ready for that. Its fun, exciting, and we have a lot in common. Two months ago, I met her family and was introduced to her other siblings – she has two younger sisters. Great family, parents love me – they’re really social, have a lot of gatherings so I’m spending more time at their home now that I’ve been introduced. I feel like I’ve found a great second family!

But there’s one huge problem. She has a sister who is just 2 years younger – she’s single, very sexy, and intelligent – really amazing woman on so many levels. I’m really attracted to her and we really
hit it off. I’m finding myself thinking about her all the time and really drawn to her – physically, mentally, and emotionally. She’s not too shy about sharing her interest in me either – as we’ve had a few chats privately when we’ve been at some family gatherings. I hate to say this, but I’m just not that into her anymore and I’m afraid it’s getting harder and harder for me to hide that fact. I really want her sister.

What’s your advice? I want to date her sister, but that can only lead to a disaster. What do you do when you find you’re attracted to your girlfriend’s sister or even her best friend? I’m sure I’m
not the first guy that this has ever happened to. And, I’m certain I won’t be the last. What should I do?”

Dr. Dar says:

“This is indeed a dilemma of the heart and soul.  Are you sure that the younger sister is totally into you? How are you sure?  Do you know if the 2 sisters have a competitive pattern between the two especially when it comes to dating and relationships?  If so, this is a sign for you to pay attention to…if you are absolutely certain about not being into Jessica anymore and you feel that her younger sister is more of a match for a lifelong relationship, here are your options:

· The noble and honest approach:  speak to Jessica and let her know what has happened, ensuring she knows that this was by no means intentional.  Then ask her permission to speak to her parents and younger sister.  Then speak to the parents about what has happened and then the sister.  Being honest is the best way for your heart and soul to be in tact regardless of the consequences in this situation.

· The sneak around approach:  you could date the sister and not tell anyone; going out with the sister behind everyone’s back certainly will lend itself to more dire consequences than being honest will.  At some point you will either realize you want to take the relationship further or maybe you will realize the relationship is not to go further.  Either way, sneaking around, especially during holidays when family time is expected, will be difficult on the new relationship and cause unnecessary stress; you also have indicated that this feels like a second family to you.

· Using time as a tool:  you could end it with Jessica nobly, as it sounds like you are headed in that direction anyway. Allow several months to elapse and not contact anyone in her family for a while; then initiate contact with the sister and start dating the sister.  Do consider having a conversation with Jessica to let her know that you would like to go out with her sister.

· Walking away completely from both ladies and moving forward with your life which gets you off the hook but may be an avoidance method that does not resolve your feelings which you may harbor for some time, not to mention leaving the sisters and their family incomplete.”

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