Here are 5 tips that I use to listen when someone is talking to me.

  1. Remember that it is a gift when someone is giving you their attention by sharing with you. When I get a gift, I am excited and it shows.  By taking on that having someone speak to me as a gift, I can easily show my interest in them.
  2. If the conversation occurs in an area full of distractions, I let the person know that I am really interested in what they have to say and request that we move to a spot where I can focus on them.
  3. I ask to postpone a conversation if I am still unable to focus or am busy doing other things.  I tell the other person that I am really committed to giving them my full attention, now is not a good time as I am focused on something else and I request and set an appointment to talk later.  I then show up and follow up!
  4. Speak less. Being heard is the one thing we all crave so very much.  Listening to someone else is the greatest gift you can give them!
  5. Give up the need to be right.  More often than not, the rush to interrupt or share is driven by your own needs.  A need to show someone else you are right is one of a few reasons people find the push to interrupt the speaker, and may result in an argument over who is more right.  Instead, breathe through it and simply listen to the speaker.  In the grand scheme of life, being right does not matter – what matters is how connected you are to the speaker.
  6. Give up the need to share what you know about the topic.  It does not make any difference how much you know when someone is telling you about it.  Let them share with you, right, wrong or indifferent…simply let them share.  And if you are asked a question, then respond.
  7. Breathe!  If I find myself wanting to share while someone is talking to me or I want to share before I forget what I wanted to say; I take a deep breath and refocus on listening.  Most of the time, what I had to share is just not that important. I trust that if it needs to be shared, it will show up again in the future. I trust in that!
  8. Be responsible for your own thoughts and feelings.  When you are aware of your own thoughts and feelings during a conversation, you can become ‘emotional’ or ‘want to share/speak’.  When that happens, listening usually has stopped.  Acknowledge your feelings when you notice them, you may even want to validate the speaker by acknowledging you are listening by saying you understand how they feel and re-connect with the speaker.
  9. Listening gets less attention than speaking does?  This is a myth.  The reason it feels like speakers get the attention is because others are quietly listening. It is the powerful listener that leaves with the goodies and gifts.  Good listeners are hard to find, speakers (good or bad) are easy to find.  How about vying for attention by becoming an amazing listener.  You will win friends and influence people more by listening than speaking over the long-term.
  10. Be comfortable with silence.  Breathe through the silence, especially when someone is speaking and they pause, or a group is collaborating and there is a pause.  It is in the pauses where your wisdom emerges.  Take a deep breath, counting in for a count of 6 and exhale to a count of 6…if there is still a pause, breathe again.  It is a good thing physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually!

Happy Listening!     © 2009 Dr. Dar | http://www.RelationshipSuccessSource.com/blog |

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