Steve Harvey in his new book Act Like a Lady, Think Like A Man states that men, unilaterally,  are simple and there are only 3 things that men are driven by: 

  1. “Who he is?
  2. What he does?
  3. How much he makes?”

Well, that certainly simplifies things, doesn’t it?

Let’s start with Who Are You, shall we?

I do not suggest you go out and start asking men who they are, you’ll get some blank stares.  In fact, in my over two decades of coaching and consulting, not once have I met someone who can outright truly answer the question Who are you?  Usually the answer received is the answer to question #2.

Some of the smartest, most accomplished men and women I know don’t know how to answer the question Who are you?  The question is quite complex when you think about it long enough.  But then again, I am a woman and I am complex if I go by this book.  I dare you, ask yourself the question and see what you come up with on paper – and send me your responses in a comment to this blog.

Here are 7 keys to uncovering the answer to the question Who Are You?:

  1. Do not say “Who Are YOU?”, it can be quite offensive to ask this question outright without some setup in the conversation.  Can you hear the attitude in this question?  Instead, ask other questions to find out more about the person, their likes, their dislikes, their background, until you have enough input to determine the substance of the person.  I just about got into a fight with myself as I contemplated this question…uh oh, I am complex…
  2. It takes time to observe and experience another person before you can get a sense of who the person is…questions and answers are not the only input to getting a feel for who they are; behaviors, attitudes, stress, emotions, skills, thoughts, habits and many other things are inputs as well.   So, take the time to learn the answer to this important question – take the time to listen, feel, know, hear, see, and sense the answer…and all before you give away the ‘cookie’.   Buy the book to find out more…
  3. Listen to how the person talks and more importantly how they listen – what they say and how they say it; especially when speaking about other people.
  4. Check in with your own energy – Do you feel energized or drained when spending time with this person or listening to them?
  5. What thoughts do you have after having spent time with them?  Are they positive, wholesome, and fulfilling thoughts?  Or are they thoughts of self-doubt or negativity?
  6. What types of people do they spend time with?  What is their energy like after spending time with others?  Pay attention to how they are after having spent time with others.
  7. Do they take a stand for themselves and for the people they care about?  Do they continuously bend at peer pressure or do they stand for their own values and not vacillate?

I say who I am is defined by that which I value and my core values.  And who defines me and my core values?  I do and therefore, my definition is just that, My Definition.   What’s my point?  Words do not mean the same thing to everyone.   How you define integrity for example may be very different from someone else’s defintion.  And I don’t mean just telling you how I define it.  I also mean how integrity shows up in my behavior, actions, words, and life.  So walking the talk in addition to the talk is critical – so be patient when learning about others through the question WHO ARE YOU?

Funny book…

See Steve Harvey on abcnews.  Steve Harvey, married 3 times…3 rd is a charm.

See Steve on time magazine as an Expert on Manhood.  Does he speak for all men?

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